Daily Gems

Here is one of the amazing people that have helped me keep focused Jen Sincero

You are a badass… was one of the first books I read to help me on the road to recovery.

This email just popped onto my phone from Jen ……

Dear Badass,

Happy New Year!

I was thinking about you and your New Year’s resolutions for 2018, running wild with an optimistic “this year I’m not screwing around” fist raised high in the air.

And I realized that my personal resolution could perhaps help you keep yours. Hence, I want to share.

My resolution is to intend more this year. To make a daily, conscious choice to be more present, every morning. For example:

I intend to stop and notice five things I’m grateful for today

I intend to take a deep breath before speaking today

I intend to do something I’ve never done before today

I intend to organize my desktop today

I intend to chat up three strangers today

I intend to dole out five honest compliments today (to myself as well)

I intend to look on the bright side today

I intend to expect the best, no matter what, all day today

I love this exercise because it’s just one day at a time, which is the key to fending off overwhelm and helping you stick to things. You can do anything for one day. Hell you can set an intention before a specific moment, like before walking into a room (I intend to go slowly and take it all in), driving to the supermarket (I intend to be blown away by the miracle that is driving a car), sitting down to meditate (I intend to receive guidance on how to approach my boss for a raise), before visiting a grouchy relative (I intend to have compassion for my uncle who has had a hard life) or before taking a bite of a grilled cheese sammich (I intend to savor this bite and taste every nuance of its cheesy magnificence until I burst into tears of delight).

You can apply intentions to your resolution, no matter what it is. If your resolution is to quit smoking: I intend to treat my precious lungs like the great gifts they are today.

If your resolution is to make more money: I intend to do something that scares the crap out me that will push me towards my financial goal today.

Daily intentions are extremely powerful and simple because they break things down into bite sized chunks, shift our focus and, dare I say, make things kinda fun.

We have countless things all around us every moment to be amazed by, grateful for, thrilled about, educated from, in love with.

 All we have to do is remember to pay attention.

Here’s to a conscious and kick ass 2018!

 

Thank you Jen!! It’s exactly what I’ve been saying…

Daily habits

What are you grateful for today?

Love to you all x

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Review, Reflect, Reborn

Wow 2017 what a year you have been. I started the year buying a page a day diary and wrote on page one in big letters….

This year is about self-help

  • Heal myself
  • No more hurt
  • Say no when I want to

As a child at school I was always a secret daily writer, and considering I was named as one of the thickos, in special classes, later labeled as dyslexic ,I kept a Dear Diary everyday and I still have those now… I’ve read them through, they are no Adrian Mole but a reminder of those times. I did not write about my feelings in those times because of the fear of someone reading it but what it did unknowingly teach me was about daily habits.

Daily habits have been my saving grace this year. I am a great believer in small daily habits. It’s trendy and traditional at this time of year to be setting your New Year resolutions, which really are another word for setting goals. But how many of us keep them up? And why is that? Many reasons I suppose, time, motivation, self discipline, goal feels too big because there’s no plan in place, fear, self talk, the kids need picking up, the tea needs cooking, where is your PE kit?, oh shit the dog just peed on the carpet, Aunt Bessie is ill, my nails need cutting, new series of Game of Thrones is about to start, why did you not tell me you needed to be dressed as a book character today, as we are walking out the door!!!! The list is endless.

Back to my words I wrote at the beginning of the year,

  • How was I going heal myself?
  • How am I going to have no more hurt?
  • How am I going to find the balls to stand up and say no when I want to?

This is what I have been asking myself in 2017, because to be honest with you they are massive asks aren’t they, ones that because of forty six years of learnt behaviours, negative ways of thinking, environments and people that have shaped me, all this I am going to have to change to reach the holy grail of happiness!

How am I, in the words of Russell Brand am I going to ‘unfuck’ myself?’

What are the things that have helped towards my written words I wrote?…. You notice I don’t like to use the words ‘goal’, ‘resolutions’ because I feel that puts me under to much pressure to achieve, and then I feel a failure or a loser or weak if I don’t achieve. These are just words, thoughts, no pressure, so what if I miss a day it does not matter, I can start again tomorrow, new day, new beginning, no failures just small steps, and as long as those steps are taken it is a step forward.

So here are the words I wrote a couple of days in my diary…

 

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I am hoping over 2018, and what I have written down in my new diary is, I want to help people like me that want to unfuck themselves, maybe share with people that want to read it how I am doing it, instead of keeping my writings to myself, share some of it.

Questions to ponder…

  • How have you done this year?
  • How do you feel today?
  • What words would you write for next year?

Love to you all x

3 Things I Am Grateful For Today…

Freedom

Today I had the freedom to wake when I chose, freedom to make a cuppa tea, freedom to get back into a comfy bed, freedom of technology, freedom of my own choice, freedom to make my own decisions, if I want to go back to sleep , I can, if I want to get up and go out, I can, freedom is a beautiful thing.

Health

Today I woke up and and have the gift of a new day, I can walk without pain, I can breath without a struggle. I can see the beautiful world around me and can hear my radio and my family.

Family

Whether that is my blood family or my chosen family, they are here if I need them, here to make me smile, here to listen to me, just here.

What are you grateful for today?

From the smallest thing…

Warm cup of tea, clean sheets, day off work, stroll down to the shop, birds singing, fresh air…

 

 

Brain Freeze

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I’m bored!

Don’t parents just hate that expression, I know I did when my kids were young…
Bored? I’ll give you bored, there’s cleaning to be done, washing, when was the last time you cleaned the fish out…
And so on..

But I find myself saying that to myself lately, I know why it is, I’ve left a stimulating job that I had to to be thinking on my feet all the time, which got to much after ten years, so I made a change, to a job that I need no brain at all, I can do it standing on my head.

What would I like to be doing? Good question!

What I would like, and what I’m good at is two different things!

I’m good at my job, I’m confident at it, been doing it a long time, I find it easy, it’s a worth while job, it helps people, it contributes to the community. But do I still want to do it?

I do have a new venture just waiting for me in the wings, I’ve got so far, I’m on the list, but I don’t know when it’s going to start, so I’m in this limbo of brain dead. And when I do start, is it going to be all I imagine it to be.

I would like to be, what feeds my sole is drawing, baking, writing, music, using my brain and hands, but I’m not good at those, well not enough to make money from them, there are plenty of others out there already doing that much better. I think you are a very lucky person to be able to make money doing something that you have a real passion for.

Not to be negative but when you read, you can do anything you set your mind to, you do wonder, really?

I want to be a concert pianist, but you do need to have some sort of talent for that, believe you me I’ve tried, and it just ain’t going to happen.

You can enjoy your job but is it really what you want to be doing?

I try and ask myself, what would you do if money and qualifications were no worry, would you still do what you are doing now?

I shall leave you with that thought, while I find a pretty picture to add to the ombience! X

Threshold

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A threshold is a point of entering; that point just before a new beginning — that split-second moment in time, full of anticipation. All the hard work is over; relief is palpable.

Weekly Photo Challenge

This photo was taken a couple of years ago on one of my year sixes last school trips together. I find this photo very poignant because these boys where best friends all the way through their primary life, having their ups and downs of cause, very lively, chatty, sometimes naughty, but this moment is like they are just taking a second quietly together, looking out towards their future, their threshold before heading towards different secondary schools apart. Their calm before their transition and their life changes, their new beginning. X

Feb Photo Challenge 12 –

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I have cheated today, sorry, and not posted a photo I have taken (or OH) and stolen one from the tinernet!

I wanted to post this because I do believe it is very true!

Now without going into details, and I am sure many of you are the same, my life could have gone in a completely different direction, if I had allowed certain events in my life to effect me then goodness knows where I would be!

Today has been an exciting day!

Every day is an exciting new beginning!

A new opportunity!

Embrace it! X

Over the horizon!

I have got out of the habit of blogging or taking pictures, you can mainly blame the dog for that, cos the time I was sitting and faffing on the computer is now taken up with walking or training the pooch! I also haven’t been tweeting or blipping, (sounds like some sort of disease) and I do miss it, so I’m going to try and get back on track with it all, even if it is a short post, I feel it is still important to have a record of things to look back on, cos I do enjoy looking back over photos and events that have happened. Maybe at the moment my life is not that advent full, which is not a bad thing, so maybe I haven’t got that much to share.

I am doing something exciting at the moment at school, I applied for an awards for all grant and got money to set up a community radio based at my school. It has taken a year to sort out but we are finally getting closer to our first broadcast on the big wide web. So soon I will be able to share a link with you all to have a listen to my Devonian tones! Now that’s scary! It is a get opportunity for the children and I hope in time will add to and benefit their learning. It is quite rare for primary children to experience this down this end of the world, normally secondary schools, and the possibilities for its use are endless. Also I am in the process of turning our school hall into a theatre space, adding curtains, lights, microphones, and being able to broadcast on the radio from the hall too. So that will benefit us especially with only six working weeks to our Christmas performance (sorry to mention the c word but we have started that in our school already).

So that’s work, well plus the normal day to day life of being a teacher, which a lot of you out there I know know what I mean by that. At theatre school I run on a Saturday we are thinking of doing the production Charlie and the chocolate factory which I love. I have also started up a twinkle toes dancing group for littles which seems to be going alright, lots of skipping, jumping, wafting and pretending.

My knees are really playing up, not surprised with all the dancing, PE and walking the pony, not getting any younger, I’m afraid to go the doctors because I know they will say I will have to have another operation and I really haven’t got time for that. So I think I will shut up and put up with that for a minute.

Ok that’s a general update now back to the photo challenge!

All the below pictures are the horizons that I see around me.

The first photo is of Dartmoor where I often go for long walks.
The second is the view of the horizon from my caravan in Looe, Cornwall.
The third of the horizon from my boat.
And the last, this is the horizon I see very day out of my front door!

When I’m on my walks every day I see the sun set and in the morning i watch it rise, that always blows my mind that when the sun sets we shall never see that day again, it’s gone, it’s history already, but the sun will always rise again on a new day, a new beginning and a new hope!

I am a very lucky girl to live in such a beautiful place, aren’t I x

weekly photo challenge

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And breath….

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School holidays must be here, I’m posting on my blog!

It has been a bit of a stressful time of late and I am not quite ready to be telling the world why yet, but it will come!

As usual I have nothing profound or life changing to say, but I just wanted to touch base with you all (touch base? What’s that saying all about)

The picture above is from Dartmoor zoo, of the beautiful tigers there! OH took some great pictures!

Take some time for yourself today!
When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? X

Advice!

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If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

I think the best two pieces of advice I have had whilst growing up and that have stuck with me, is,

1. Always walk out the door looking your best. I definitely follow this one. Hair and makeup always needs to be on for me to face the world, because it it sods law you will bump into someone you haven’t seen in years when you have just dragged your arse out of bed, shoved your joggers on, licked your hair down, not bothered with your contact lenses and your breath smells like dog shit!

2. Always walk into a room as if you own it. This is a great bit of advice if you lack a little confidence. It is all about faking it. People always say to me how confident I come across as, but inside I’m a scared little child. If I walk into a posh hotel or into a pub I always stride in imagining that I am the owner, it gives you an ‘air’ about you and people treat you differently, try it, it works!

Thanks for dropping by! X

p.s I took this picture today on my way home, it’s just next to my house, lovely sky isn’t it! X

Reflection!

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I was just having a look through photos of a trip I took our year 6 children on last week, it was a great day in a beautiful place. Full of laughter, chatting, taking photos, filming and editing. It got me thinking of a few things, this picture I took kinda looks like they are looking forward to their future. What is going to be in store for them I wonder?

They are going to be leaving soon the comfort and safety of primary school and moving towards their future. I always find this time of the year particularly hard for many reasons. First because of my own turbulent experience of school but mainly now because I have nurtured, taught, wiped their noses, found their jumpers, sorted arguments, hugged, been cross with, played games with, ran with, sat with, cried with and looked after these children like as if they are my own from the age of 3. They started in nursery with me on their very first day, and I have seen them through their journey up through school, I have taught them in every year. That’s the joy of my job, I am not tied to one year group I teach the whole school throughout my week. And this years year six are the first I have taught from day one and soon they will be flying away hopefully taking a part of me with them. The fun we have had, the bad days we have had, the dancing, singing, playing, learning, discovering and performances. There is always one teacher you remember from primary school because they have influenced your life in a positive way isn’t there and I always wanted to be that one to them.

So I have done all I can, it will be soon time to let them go, we have a few things left to do though like SATS next term. So for all you parents out there, there are teachers that really care, we do look after your blossoms the best we can, when you wave them off at the gate in the morning, then pick them up again later they have had a full and interesting day, even though you ask ‘how was your day, what have you done today at school’ all you get in answer, ‘not much’.

On My Seat…

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Sit here and think
By myself
Once was busy
Now is bare

Sit here and think
Time for me
Just one minute
Then I’ll be ready

Sit here and think
You can come too
There’s room
On my seat

I wrote this poem a while ago, I’m not any kind of poet or anything but this picture which I took at ‘Dartington Hall’ in Devon, just must have inspired me to brake out into verse!

Thanks for dropping by! X

Easter Day!

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I was just having a little think about how Easter day have changed for me over my life time. As a child Easter time was one the busiest times of the year for me and the family. The week running up to Easter day or the week after was taken up with dance festivals. I competed in hundreds of dances throughout the week in the chase for that allusive medal or certificate. I used to really love that week, it was the highlight of my year. learning dances after dances, solos, groups, duets, trios, ballet, tap, modern, national, song and dances, jazz, free style, the lot, I did them all. I never won anything, but that never bothered me I just loved the whole process of it. It is funny now I cannot stand the whole process of them, now I am on the other side, a teacher and a watcher, and have nothing to do with them. When I was teaching for dance schools I hated teaching dances for the festival and ended up stopping. The whole back stabbing of children and pushy mothers, completive teachers, I did not see any of that as a child, I think I must have walked around in blinkers the whole time.

So that was the first busy part to Easter, the second was the big brass band completion at butlins. The whole family, and I had a big family, played in the local brass band, which my folks had founded. On Easter day we had a coach trip to a 50 style holiday camp, (hi-de-hi), and I would spend my Easter day sitting in silence listening to endless bands. Some years the journey back on the coach was loud, rowdy and fun because the band had won and done well, and some journeys were quiet and solemn because the band might have come last, but this event happened every Easter day as child.

Very different to now, fast forward thirty years or so and here I am sitting on the sofa in peace and quiet, lap top on lap, children grown up and both at work, no dancing, no competition, no brass bands, no ‘happy Easter’ because I am an atheist, no Sunday dinners because I don’t do them and no chocolate eggs (don’t panic and feel sorry for me, I hate chocolate and I never give the kids chocolate and again don’t feel sorry for them, it’s their choice they would rather have money!) and it is great!

Unexpected Reflection..

Whatever happened to when the children were young? Gone are the days when going out to the beach was an exciting venture, when the anticipation of the day laid ahead, the picnic preparation, the bags weighed down with the ‘just in case’. Buckets, spades, body boards, towels, spare clothes and more spare clothes. Piling it all into the car and then off we go. After finally finding a parking space, unloading half your house contents out of the car you and the children, much to their disgust, piled up with stuff, that then needs to be walked the two mile trek onto the beach, up the beach and back again looking for a spot that is suitable to pitch up on. So out comes the cosies and towels ready for the towel dance to get clothes off without flashing to the world. Off drags the body board down the beach to the water, spades at the ready to dig to the centre of the earth, then they are gone. Time for me to settle into the latest trashy mag to read about the celebs latest diet. The children popping up and down the beach throughout the day, in and out the water, the compulsory sand car built, sat in, then destroyed much to the makers annoyance, sand sandwiches, sticky lollies, and the odd crab trapped in the bucket. After a whole day of free entertainment, children getting tired, gathering up sandy soggy towels, empty packets then traipsing it all back to the car stopping on the way to wash sand off feet. All piling in the car, probably with someone in tears because they are sandy, sticky and worn out, and that’s just me! Thinking how have I got the energy to go home and cook tea?

This is all when they are little, now it’s a different story. I am the only one excited about going to the beach, having to prize the xbox controller out of a reluctant teenagers hand, that has only said yes to coming with you because he knows you will be in a mood if they don’t come. Me pacing up and down waiting to go, finally get out the door passed lunch time. Me wanting to go the beach that we had visit when they were young, but not quite remembering how to get there, so spending the next hour an half finding it, with the teenager of cause knowing best how to get there, huffing and rolling eyes at his sad mother getting upset because she is getting frustrated at not finding the place she had been waiting for a break in the weather to go too. When finally arriving at destination, and stopping off at the garage to pickup packet sandwiches, no homemade picnic now a days. I have often thought when you could have done with having money when the children are young you never seem to have it, when the children are grown up you have the money, but looking back even though you don’t think it at the time you are more creative and productive making up hampers of food to save money, which is more fun I suppose. So at destination take the one bag out of the car, not weighed down any more, the know it all teenager knows a better way to get to the beach. So off we trek the long way down to the beach, beautiful walk, damn he was right. Finally getting to the beach, getting blanket down, sit eat packet food, look out to sea in silence, me saying, aren’t you getting your swimmers on? Na, aren’t you going to go climbing the rocks then? Na. Sit there a bit longer in silence then a big black cloud comes over, look at each other, shall we go then. Yep, off we march up to the car and home.

I used to long for the days when the children were grown up, at the time I thought I hated them being little and dependant, wishing their childhood away, I am not saying it is any worst or better now, just different, but actually then was fun, shame it has taken me till now to appreciate it.

Just a thought….

Baring in mind I am usually a person that works sometimes seven days a week, I am finding being sat with my leg elevated on forced rest quite hard! I have come to the conclusion that you get more done when you’re busy. The good old saying ‘if you want anything done ask a busy person’ is so true. When there is no rush to do anything it takes longer for you to do it. You can kind of see how people get into a rut of not working, because I am finding it takes all my efforts at the moment just to get dressed. I know that I am supposed to be resting to aid my recovery, but it does not do anything for your motivation. I am normally very good at self motivation, but I must admit that I am struggling! What must it be like for people that do not have a strong self motivation? A continuance battle between fatigue and guilt to do ‘something’. What do you think? Do you struggle? Are you at home a lot for whatever reason? How do you cope?