Brain Freeze

IMG_1537

I’m bored!

Don’t parents just hate that expression, I know I did when my kids were young…
Bored? I’ll give you bored, there’s cleaning to be done, washing, when was the last time you cleaned the fish out…
And so on..

But I find myself saying that to myself lately, I know why it is, I’ve left a stimulating job that I had to to be thinking on my feet all the time, which got to much after ten years, so I made a change, to a job that I need no brain at all, I can do it standing on my head.

What would I like to be doing? Good question!

What I would like, and what I’m good at is two different things!

I’m good at my job, I’m confident at it, been doing it a long time, I find it easy, it’s a worth while job, it helps people, it contributes to the community. But do I still want to do it?

I do have a new venture just waiting for me in the wings, I’ve got so far, I’m on the list, but I don’t know when it’s going to start, so I’m in this limbo of brain dead. And when I do start, is it going to be all I imagine it to be.

I would like to be, what feeds my sole is drawing, baking, writing, music, using my brain and hands, but I’m not good at those, well not enough to make money from them, there are plenty of others out there already doing that much better. I think you are a very lucky person to be able to make money doing something that you have a real passion for.

Not to be negative but when you read, you can do anything you set your mind to, you do wonder, really?

I want to be a concert pianist, but you do need to have some sort of talent for that, believe you me I’ve tried, and it just ain’t going to happen.

You can enjoy your job but is it really what you want to be doing?

I try and ask myself, what would you do if money and qualifications were no worry, would you still do what you are doing now?

I shall leave you with that thought, while I find a pretty picture to add to the ombience! X

WPC – Refraction

Weekly Photo Challenge

IMG_0726-6.JPG

Evening, morning, afternoon,

Not quite sure what refraction means really so took a guess with this picture.

This was taken on one of my many dog walks!

I love the rays radiating out from the ball of light, like it’s sending out its magic out to you personally, and how it is reflecting in the slither of puddle.

Take care! X

Reflection!

20120311-091102.jpg

I was just having a look through photos of a trip I took our year 6 children on last week, it was a great day in a beautiful place. Full of laughter, chatting, taking photos, filming and editing. It got me thinking of a few things, this picture I took kinda looks like they are looking forward to their future. What is going to be in store for them I wonder?

They are going to be leaving soon the comfort and safety of primary school and moving towards their future. I always find this time of the year particularly hard for many reasons. First because of my own turbulent experience of school but mainly now because I have nurtured, taught, wiped their noses, found their jumpers, sorted arguments, hugged, been cross with, played games with, ran with, sat with, cried with and looked after these children like as if they are my own from the age of 3. They started in nursery with me on their very first day, and I have seen them through their journey up through school, I have taught them in every year. That’s the joy of my job, I am not tied to one year group I teach the whole school throughout my week. And this years year six are the first I have taught from day one and soon they will be flying away hopefully taking a part of me with them. The fun we have had, the bad days we have had, the dancing, singing, playing, learning, discovering and performances. There is always one teacher you remember from primary school because they have influenced your life in a positive way isn’t there and I always wanted to be that one to them.

So I have done all I can, it will be soon time to let them go, we have a few things left to do though like SATS next term. So for all you parents out there, there are teachers that really care, we do look after your blossoms the best we can, when you wave them off at the gate in the morning, then pick them up again later they have had a full and interesting day, even though you ask ‘how was your day, what have you done today at school’ all you get in answer, ‘not much’.

Proud Sister!

It’s amazing that one minute you are thinking that you haven’t written anything on your blog recently because you have had no inspiration, the next receiving a text from my brother today with a link to a video that he has posted on YouTube. Watching it triggered all sorts of memories, some good some not so. This video is of him playing his solo in 1987 on Best of Brass, which for those that don’t know was a very popular brass band competition on BBC 1, on a Sunday night, straight after Songs of Praise.
I remember so clearly going up to see him record this programme. I was 15 at the time and my mum and dad borrowed this VW orange camper van, the one with the opening front screen. Nowadays this would be a sort after vehicle, but to me then it was a hell machine on wheels. The only reason that they borrowed it was to save money. My dad was what you would call a ‘tight ass’, bearing in mind that he was a farmer, a huge land owner, he felt the best way to travel to see his famous son debut on TV was to cram us in a tiny camper van and travel up to Sheffield from Devon. So we travelled all day to get to Sheffield and when I say it took all day I mean all day. My dad drove the camper van like he drove a tractor, slow. So after travelling all day you would think that we could have stayed in a nice B&B, oh no, why do you think we were in a camper, we were going to sleep in it. But I hear you say, well that’s ok, camping, well instead of finding a nice little campsite to park up in, that costs money. We camped on the hard shoulder of the motorway. Cost nothing, well except your sanity.
It’s time to get settled, after a tea cooked on camping ring, bearing in mind by now we are all very tired after the long journey and I forgot to mention that the van broke down several times on the way up so dad spent most of his time with his head in the engine, my mum’s temper was getting thinner and thinner, she had already cried umpteen times and the mood wasn’t getting any better. Now there isn’t a lot of room in a VW, especially because mother was seriously overweight, my bed was a triangle pulled out from the ceiling, with no room to turn. So trying to get to sleep with the sounds of cars and lorries rushing passed the side, that shook the whole van and the sobs from mother underneath, me thinking that I wasn’t going to wake up because I was convinced we were all going to die from a lorry going into us, and trying to get comfortable, needless to say I struggled to get to sleep. Mother was so angry that every time I moved my foot or breathed too deeply I was screamed at to ‘stay still’. So not a lot of sleep was had by all.
Anyway after no sleep, no wash we did get to see him play in the concert the next day. It was very exciting for me, because this brother I had always looked up too. We all played instruments in this family, we all had to live and breathe brass bands, but he had something special. I have watched him play from village halls to the Albert Hall and I just wanted to say that (even though I am sure he won’t read this) I am proud of his dedication to practising, still now every day, and I am proud of him.

Unexpected Reflection..

Whatever happened to when the children were young? Gone are the days when going out to the beach was an exciting venture, when the anticipation of the day laid ahead, the picnic preparation, the bags weighed down with the ‘just in case’. Buckets, spades, body boards, towels, spare clothes and more spare clothes. Piling it all into the car and then off we go. After finally finding a parking space, unloading half your house contents out of the car you and the children, much to their disgust, piled up with stuff, that then needs to be walked the two mile trek onto the beach, up the beach and back again looking for a spot that is suitable to pitch up on. So out comes the cosies and towels ready for the towel dance to get clothes off without flashing to the world. Off drags the body board down the beach to the water, spades at the ready to dig to the centre of the earth, then they are gone. Time for me to settle into the latest trashy mag to read about the celebs latest diet. The children popping up and down the beach throughout the day, in and out the water, the compulsory sand car built, sat in, then destroyed much to the makers annoyance, sand sandwiches, sticky lollies, and the odd crab trapped in the bucket. After a whole day of free entertainment, children getting tired, gathering up sandy soggy towels, empty packets then traipsing it all back to the car stopping on the way to wash sand off feet. All piling in the car, probably with someone in tears because they are sandy, sticky and worn out, and that’s just me! Thinking how have I got the energy to go home and cook tea?

This is all when they are little, now it’s a different story. I am the only one excited about going to the beach, having to prize the xbox controller out of a reluctant teenagers hand, that has only said yes to coming with you because he knows you will be in a mood if they don’t come. Me pacing up and down waiting to go, finally get out the door passed lunch time. Me wanting to go the beach that we had visit when they were young, but not quite remembering how to get there, so spending the next hour an half finding it, with the teenager of cause knowing best how to get there, huffing and rolling eyes at his sad mother getting upset because she is getting frustrated at not finding the place she had been waiting for a break in the weather to go too. When finally arriving at destination, and stopping off at the garage to pickup packet sandwiches, no homemade picnic now a days. I have often thought when you could have done with having money when the children are young you never seem to have it, when the children are grown up you have the money, but looking back even though you don’t think it at the time you are more creative and productive making up hampers of food to save money, which is more fun I suppose. So at destination take the one bag out of the car, not weighed down any more, the know it all teenager knows a better way to get to the beach. So off we trek the long way down to the beach, beautiful walk, damn he was right. Finally getting to the beach, getting blanket down, sit eat packet food, look out to sea in silence, me saying, aren’t you getting your swimmers on? Na, aren’t you going to go climbing the rocks then? Na. Sit there a bit longer in silence then a big black cloud comes over, look at each other, shall we go then. Yep, off we march up to the car and home.

I used to long for the days when the children were grown up, at the time I thought I hated them being little and dependant, wishing their childhood away, I am not saying it is any worst or better now, just different, but actually then was fun, shame it has taken me till now to appreciate it.

Just a thought….

Baring in mind I am usually a person that works sometimes seven days a week, I am finding being sat with my leg elevated on forced rest quite hard! I have come to the conclusion that you get more done when you’re busy. The good old saying ‘if you want anything done ask a busy person’ is so true. When there is no rush to do anything it takes longer for you to do it. You can kind of see how people get into a rut of not working, because I am finding it takes all my efforts at the moment just to get dressed. I know that I am supposed to be resting to aid my recovery, but it does not do anything for your motivation. I am normally very good at self motivation, but I must admit that I am struggling! What must it be like for people that do not have a strong self motivation? A continuance battle between fatigue and guilt to do ‘something’. What do you think? Do you struggle? Are you at home a lot for whatever reason? How do you cope?