The Ness, Devon, England

Took the hairy boy for a walk on the beach yesterday. Just beautiful!!

I’m very lucky that I live in a very lovely part of my country, Devon. This is Ness beach, which is in Shaldon near Teignmouth. The pictures where taken on the beach and then I walked along the coastal path, and looked down on the beach.

I love going to the beach just to clear my head. I often go in-between night shifts because I struggle the most, physically and mentally when I’m on night shifts. To be blunt it just fucks my body up!! But I’ve become aware of that now, I began to recognise the pattern so I put plans in place to support me during those times. I think that’s the key really when you having a low time…

  1. Recognising your patterns of moods…. When do they happen? What’s triggered it? Maybe keep a mood diary for a couple mouths so you can build up a picture.
  2. Plan for those times. Do nice things that make you happy such as listen to music, take a walk, hot bath, watch your favourite programme. Be kind to yourself
  3. Except that it is going to happen, and that’s ok. You are prepared, it’s normal, and it won’t last.

As soon as I excepted the fact that when I do a run of night shifts I’m going to feel tired, I’m going to feel low, I’m probably going to cry, I just felt better and did not stress myself out worrying why I was feeling like this.

Hope this helps.

Love to you all x

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Throwback Thursday 02/22/13 – WPC: Forward

As I have had this blog for a few years now, i thought it would be nice to revisit some old blog posts!

I posted this when I was still teaching, which profession I left 4 years ago now, and to be honest at times I miss. I miss the kids, the creativity, the fun. To be fair I can’t promise I won’t go back to it in some way in the future……

I wonder what these are up to now? Happy I hope….

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The reason I chose this picture for this weeks challenge, is this picture was taken while on my last school trip with last years year six class. And I felt this picture was very poignant because these two boys had been best friends all the way from nursery, all the way though ups and downs of their primary life, both of them being sometimes a little challenging in their behaviour but just boys stuff, one of them having what I call ‘the swagger’ they where both lovely boys with great senses of humours, I loved them them to bits like they where my own. We had been though laughter, dressing up in dresses, hitting me accidentally with a cricket ball, cheeky comments and tears together.

I think this picture matches the theme ‘forward’ well, because here for just this moment they are both looking out to the lake, knowing that soon their lives will be changing and moving forward to separate secondary schools and this friendship will change. It does make me shed a tear.

Love to you all x

Oh What a Circus, Oh What a Show

Staying out of other peoples drama, is my todays thought…..

I have been so guilty of it in the past and am still now but more mindful of it and to stop it in its tracks. I seem to attract myself to people that are ‘drama queens’, always something major going on with there life. If you have been a bit ill with the sniffles, then they have had ‘Arabian Night flu” and the doctors said it was touch and go they nearly died! You know the kind of people I am talking about we all have them in our lives, some are as close as family members, when you think, yes finally they are settled got themselves a nice house job girlfriend…. Oh no what’s happened now… To people we work with, friends etc

I think why I am saying all of this is what has helped me in my ‘I want to feel better’ quest is to distance myself from those people, not get fully hooked in, not join their parade, and start swinging the batons around with them.

It does sound selfish really I know but they are energy zappers, spirit suckers, thought drainers.

  • So I step out of the ring
  • I let them know I still love them
  • I am saving the energy for me

love to you all x

Where Do I Start?

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Here it is then a new year, beginning of a new week, new beginnings la de da… how many times have we heard that over this last week, the pressure of it all, thinking ‘shit’ if I don’t start something new today it will be too late, then that’s it I’ve failed before I have even started, now I have to wait till next year…..

And STOP its ok its not too late, it never is, it’s always a good time to start, the only time when it is to late is when we are dead!

I know that does sound a bit morbid but it is true, doing the job I do, I’m seeing them in and seeing them out and all the in between, and one thing I am sure about until you take your last breath there is always time, hope. Now don’t get me wrong I have my days and I am not ashamed to say, well I was but I’m learning to accept them, I have suffered from depression, I still suffer anxiety on a daily basis, panic overwhelming me like a wave of water over taking my head and body and this is what I was talking about in my last post, how do I get over this…over…wrong word, I don’t think I will ever get over, but what I am doing is learning how to manage, learning how not to let it get sunk right in, learning how to let thoughts of self harm, panic, self hate pass through like visitors… nice to see you but it’s always nice to see you go ….

Daily habits, as mentioned in last post,

So if you wanted, for example to be a concert pianist, it does not happen overnight, first you would get the resources, piano, music books, then you would go to someone that already knows how to play the piano, you would get lessons, then you would take on board what they have taught, because they are the person that have already done it, then you would practice what you have been taught until you are familiar with it, trained your muscle memory, then go back to the person that has more knowledge than you and go through the cycle again, you get my drift. Well these steps are the same for everything.

I want to feel better, spoiler alert…. it is not going to happen over night, so I am going to need resources, I am going to need to learn from someone or people that have learnt how to feel better, I am going to need to take on board what they have to say, now for the big one…. PRACTICE what they have suggested, then when I want to learn more and am ready for the next step go back to the people that have learnt more than me and carry on the cycle.

Recap

  • Resources
  • Expert ….. Oh I hate that word… expert… a drip under pressure!!!! A person that knows more than I do, yes I know, I don’t know everything
  • Practice
  • Keep repeating

What I am going to do in the coming year, I am going to share what resources I am and have used, including books, YouTube videos, pinterest and my best resource good old fashioned pen and paper. The people I have gone to that have and help me, whether that is someone I have never met but their writings have inspired me, to the people around in my life. How I practice, how I make time in my busy life of working in the ambulance service and now starting a second job in a mental health hospital, a family, grandchildren, dogs, you know all those time zappers. And how I find the motivation to keep going, what helps me, what stops me sinking into the pit with my dark passenger. And if any of this helps you then great! But if it does not then I am helping someone, I am helping me.

Love to you all x

Review, Reflect, Reborn

Wow 2017 what a year you have been. I started the year buying a page a day diary and wrote on page one in big letters….

This year is about self-help

  • Heal myself
  • No more hurt
  • Say no when I want to

As a child at school I was always a secret daily writer, and considering I was named as one of the thickos, in special classes, later labeled as dyslexic ,I kept a Dear Diary everyday and I still have those now… I’ve read them through, they are no Adrian Mole but a reminder of those times. I did not write about my feelings in those times because of the fear of someone reading it but what it did unknowingly teach me was about daily habits.

Daily habits have been my saving grace this year. I am a great believer in small daily habits. It’s trendy and traditional at this time of year to be setting your New Year resolutions, which really are another word for setting goals. But how many of us keep them up? And why is that? Many reasons I suppose, time, motivation, self discipline, goal feels too big because there’s no plan in place, fear, self talk, the kids need picking up, the tea needs cooking, where is your PE kit?, oh shit the dog just peed on the carpet, Aunt Bessie is ill, my nails need cutting, new series of Game of Thrones is about to start, why did you not tell me you needed to be dressed as a book character today, as we are walking out the door!!!! The list is endless.

Back to my words I wrote at the beginning of the year,

  • How was I going heal myself?
  • How am I going to have no more hurt?
  • How am I going to find the balls to stand up and say no when I want to?

This is what I have been asking myself in 2017, because to be honest with you they are massive asks aren’t they, ones that because of forty six years of learnt behaviours, negative ways of thinking, environments and people that have shaped me, all this I am going to have to change to reach the holy grail of happiness!

How am I, in the words of Russell Brand am I going to ‘unfuck’ myself?’

What are the things that have helped towards my written words I wrote?…. You notice I don’t like to use the words ‘goal’, ‘resolutions’ because I feel that puts me under to much pressure to achieve, and then I feel a failure or a loser or weak if I don’t achieve. These are just words, thoughts, no pressure, so what if I miss a day it does not matter, I can start again tomorrow, new day, new beginning, no failures just small steps, and as long as those steps are taken it is a step forward.

So here are the words I wrote a couple of days in my diary…

 

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I am hoping over 2018, and what I have written down in my new diary is, I want to help people like me that want to unfuck themselves, maybe share with people that want to read it how I am doing it, instead of keeping my writings to myself, share some of it.

Questions to ponder…

  • How have you done this year?
  • How do you feel today?
  • What words would you write for next year?

Love to you all x

WPC – Face

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Weekly Photo Challenge

Thats a grumpy face!

This is the face of my Granddaughter when she has just been woken up!

Naughty Nana!

WPC – Earth, Brief Encounter

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Weekly Photo Challenge

Doing the job I am doing at the moment definitely puts everything into prospective.

We are here on this earth for a brief moment, one minute we are here the next we are gone, how ever you think of it, what your beliefs are, take this small window of life, grab it, squeeze the hell out of it, sometimes the journey is a struggle, thats ok because it doesn’t last forever.

You don’t take your ‘things’  with you,  you don’t take your money, that is all insignificant in the end.

You do leave behind the way you have made people feel, the way you have treated people, the kindness you shown, the care you have taken, the words that you have said, the laughter you have started, the tears you have shed, the memories you have created.

What are YOU leaving behind on this Earth? x

WPC – Dance

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Weekly Photo Challenge

There’s rhythm and motion all around us…

Jete…

My boy on the beach a couple of days ago, see the joy in his face! x

WPC – One Love

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Weekly Photo Challenge

One Love, friendship

Looking back at my past blog posts I have used this picture three times. I love this picture because to me this represents the bond two friends have.

I took this picture a few years ago on a school trip to the local park. These boys where the classes little loveable rebels. I knew them from the day they started in nursery to the day they left in year six. They had been friends from that time in nursery and it had lasted all the way. They had their ups and downs, fall outs, but they always had that bond.

I’m so glad I caught this moment they had together that day, it just looked so peaceful, an unspoken conversation, closeness,  understanding. x

WPC – Harmony

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Harmony…Tricky, can mean a million things to millions of people. To me it is how things complement each other, how things belong together to make one whole, the whole picture of how sky, sea and earth together together make our world, and each picture we take of the sky, sea and earth will look completely different but are only made up of those three elements.

This picture was taken one summers evening, whilst I was sitting on a wall eating fish and chips, at Teignmouth, Devon, England. x

WPC – State Of Mind

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Interpret this how you wish….

Spiralling out of control?…

Cluttered mind?…

Trapped?…

Light at the end of the tunnel?…

I don’t know, you tell me x

WPC – Life Imitates Art

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This is a tad abstract but in this piece of art I see the face of my handsome dog!

Can you see it? x

Optimistic Smile

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Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push, a smile, a world of optimism and hope, a ‘you can do it’ when things are tough.

My smiling bear picture was taken on one of my visits to Dartmoor zoo in Devon, England.

WPC – Optimistic

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I am optimistic that one day soon I shall be again be supping a cold lager, looking over the sea, on a warm summers evening! x

WPC Take 2 – Weight(less)

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After looking through other blogs on their response to ‘weight(less)’ I had a look through some of my old pictures and found these. I thought they fitted well. The dragonfly one above I would love to take credit for but my better half took that one, it is such a beautiful picture. I love the detail on the wings.

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This spider web was outside my classroom one morning, to be fair the web looks a bit laden down by the dew. I can never get the sparkle in the pictures that I see in real life, which is always disappointing.

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Again my better half took this one. Wouldn’t you just love to be flying high as free as a bird.

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My Week In Photos!

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I thought I would sum my half term week up in the photos that I have taken. I have finally got my camera up and running again. When you move house it does take a while to find the little things that make your life so easy, like chargers, adaptors, memory cards, etc, so with all of them reunited I now have a working camera.

The picture above is of one of the wood walks in Bovey Tracey, Devon, it has been a beautiful week weatherwise, and this next picture will prove that…

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This is Teignmouth, Devon….

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Then we have had Halloween, my OH carved some great pumpkins…

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This one I particularly love…

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Last night our family had a fireworks night in the garden, and it has to be done, making shapes with the sparklers…

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These look like spirits dancing in the night…

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I tried to write my name, you can just make out the n,e,t…

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This is really clear of OHs…

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Last but not least I’m going to spend my Sunday with my boy doing lots of work around the sofa!
Ta ta for now!

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WPC – Nighttime

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Here is my OHs star trail they took ages ago! This is definitely a nighttime picture!

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Weekly Photo Challenge – Between

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I know I have posted this picture before, but I think it represents the word ‘between’ well.

This picture was taken on a school trip I took the year 6s on. And this is two boys having a moment together. I find this a poignant picture, because these are boys were best friends all the way through primary school, I had seen their relationship have it’s ups and downs. The sad thing is that these boys went to separate secondary school, so I’m not sure if they still have contact. X

Weekly Photo Challenge – Extra, Extra

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Well this is unlike me, submitting a late entry to a challenge! The OCD in me pains me that I’m not posting this on the day it came out, but life just got in the way, how very dare it! With the weather here in good old England is actually being sunny and warm for a change, I have been doing outdoor activities, like climbing trees, balancing from tree top to tree top, zip wiring… And think I’m joking but no I was doing all of that on Sunday! I’m just sorry I have no photo evidence of it, but it wasn’t a pretty sight!

I think that this photo is ok for this weeks theme. This was taken one morning on one of my many dog walks, going into the field we go into every morning. This spiders web was telling us… Keep out, you can’t come in here! Unfortunately the sparkle is not as good in the photograph as it could be, but you get the idea! X

Weekly Photo Challenge – Room To Breath

In this week’s photo challenge, share your take on the idea of room — it could be an actual room in your house, a favorite gallery in your local museum, a cubicle at work. You could also take this challenge in a more abstract direction, and show us where you feel like you have room — or lack it.Weekly Photo Challenge

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This is more on the abstract side. This is a place where I feel I have ‘room’ to breath, even though looking at it from the outside in, it looks enclosed, over powering.

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But inside as you can see I am happy! X

Weekly Photo Challenge – Split Second Story

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As I don’t live in the hustle and bustle of a busy town or city, this picture is as hectic as it gets around here.

The split second story we have here is, if you look closely in the sky is a double rainbow. This picture was taken under the pressure of trying to keep a big dog under control from lunging at the cows, he doesn’t like cows, which is a bit of a shame considering we see them every day, I noticed there was a double rainbow so I quickly got my camera out to catch it, but it never comes out as good as it looks like in real life. But never mind! I always find them one of natures little miracles! X

Weekly Photo Challenge – Twist

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This picture was taken by OH when we were just playing around with their new camera at the time.

Weekly Photo Challenge – Work of Art

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These pictures are drawings that I have done recently!

Weekly Photo Challenge – On The Move

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Sorry it seems to be dog photos again, but hey, what a handsome chap, on the move, on our speed boat, with the wind through his hair!

Doesn’t get better than that! X

Weekly Photo Challenge – Spring

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What spring means to me…

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Playing with my dog in the field…

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Beautiful views of skies from my house….

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And bluebells in the woods….

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Weekly Photo Challenge – Letters

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Well if I get my arse into gear I could have an early entry! How exciting!

This was taken on a school trip to the Ted Hughes trail, he is a poet.

Threshold

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A threshold is a point of entering; that point just before a new beginning — that split-second moment in time, full of anticipation. All the hard work is over; relief is palpable.

Weekly Photo Challenge

This photo was taken a couple of years ago on one of my year sixes last school trips together. I find this photo very poignant because these boys where best friends all the way through their primary life, having their ups and downs of cause, very lively, chatty, sometimes naughty, but this moment is like they are just taking a second quietly together, looking out towards their future, their threshold before heading towards different secondary schools apart. Their calm before their transition and their life changes, their new beginning. X

Beautiful Sunny Day Play!

Going to have to do two blog posts today because just been up the field with the dog and OH took their camera, and inspired by Crufts yesterday, has taken some action shoots of the boy! There was loads of great ones to choose from, but here is just a selection of them, enjoy! X

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Over the horizon!

I have got out of the habit of blogging or taking pictures, you can mainly blame the dog for that, cos the time I was sitting and faffing on the computer is now taken up with walking or training the pooch! I also haven’t been tweeting or blipping, (sounds like some sort of disease) and I do miss it, so I’m going to try and get back on track with it all, even if it is a short post, I feel it is still important to have a record of things to look back on, cos I do enjoy looking back over photos and events that have happened. Maybe at the moment my life is not that advent full, which is not a bad thing, so maybe I haven’t got that much to share.

I am doing something exciting at the moment at school, I applied for an awards for all grant and got money to set up a community radio based at my school. It has taken a year to sort out but we are finally getting closer to our first broadcast on the big wide web. So soon I will be able to share a link with you all to have a listen to my Devonian tones! Now that’s scary! It is a get opportunity for the children and I hope in time will add to and benefit their learning. It is quite rare for primary children to experience this down this end of the world, normally secondary schools, and the possibilities for its use are endless. Also I am in the process of turning our school hall into a theatre space, adding curtains, lights, microphones, and being able to broadcast on the radio from the hall too. So that will benefit us especially with only six working weeks to our Christmas performance (sorry to mention the c word but we have started that in our school already).

So that’s work, well plus the normal day to day life of being a teacher, which a lot of you out there I know know what I mean by that. At theatre school I run on a Saturday we are thinking of doing the production Charlie and the chocolate factory which I love. I have also started up a twinkle toes dancing group for littles which seems to be going alright, lots of skipping, jumping, wafting and pretending.

My knees are really playing up, not surprised with all the dancing, PE and walking the pony, not getting any younger, I’m afraid to go the doctors because I know they will say I will have to have another operation and I really haven’t got time for that. So I think I will shut up and put up with that for a minute.

Ok that’s a general update now back to the photo challenge!

All the below pictures are the horizons that I see around me.

The first photo is of Dartmoor where I often go for long walks.
The second is the view of the horizon from my caravan in Looe, Cornwall.
The third of the horizon from my boat.
And the last, this is the horizon I see very day out of my front door!

When I’m on my walks every day I see the sun set and in the morning i watch it rise, that always blows my mind that when the sun sets we shall never see that day again, it’s gone, it’s history already, but the sun will always rise again on a new day, a new beginning and a new hope!

I am a very lucky girl to live in such a beautiful place, aren’t I x

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Introducing….

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Well I know that this isn’t a scene or a grand landscape, or amazing building but I believe that the creation of life is a masterpiece, natures miracle in its self!

So I think I am now ready to introduce to the world my granddaughter Dotty-Mae.

She was born a month ago and it has taken me a while to get used to the idea of this new little person coming into the world, because I was not ready for this. But now she is here she is beautiful and today I have my first official nana duty!

My son is young and this was unexpected but your children never cease to amaze you and he is doing a grand job being a father!

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And here I am with Dotty only 4 hours old! She was born at home with no pain relief and she was 9lbs…. Respect to mum!

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Weekly Photo Challenge: The World Through Your Eyes

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Weekly Photo Challenge

Well I have finally squeezed a little time to post a challenge!

If you work in a school you will understand that this is a busy time of year, what with SATS, trips, sports day, reports, assessments, fetes, observations, leaving performances etc

Here is my spin on seeing the world through my eyes! This is me, taking a picture, for a picture, on my walk! I’m liking the fact that the angle is making me look as if I have elephant legs!

Anyway, thanks for the visit, don’t forget to say hi! X

Weekly Photo Challenge: The Sign Says

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This weeks photo challenge!

I saw this sign above a bar whilst I was waiting for my pizza last week and to be quite frank this sums me up! In fact when I die you can stick this on my headstone! There is not a lot in this world that I do give a shit about, probably could count them on one hand!

1. My OH
2. My kids
3. My animals
4. My kids at work
5. And that’s about it really so I have a spare finger just in case I find anything else I do give a shit about!

Thanks for dropping by, but I don’t give a shit if you haven’t! X

Weekly Photo Challenge: Pattern – Animal Print

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Well the patterns I love are the patterns on big cats. These lovely fellas live just down the road from me at Dartmoor zoo, Devon, they are just beautiful aren’t they!

OH took these pictures on our last visit!

Thanks for dropping by! X

Good for the soul…

From Above. Change your perspective on something.

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Sorry wordpress I kinda played around with your words a little, I know this isn’t a picture taken from above, but you did say change your perspective on something so I thought this picture might fit that.

This is the field next to my house, (I am very lucky to live on a farm in the country) and all the fields around the house look like this and from above it looks like our house is surrounded by water, (see what I did there!)

This picture was taken last night on our way back from a lovely walk and pub evening, the sunset is beautiful isn’t!

Hope you are having a good weekend and thanks for dropping by! X