Oh What a Circus, Oh What a Show

Staying out of other peoples drama, is my todays thought…..

I have been so guilty of it in the past and am still now but more mindful of it and to stop it in its tracks. I seem to attract myself to people that are ‘drama queens’, always something major going on with there life. If you have been a bit ill with the sniffles, then they have had ‘Arabian Night flu” and the doctors said it was touch and go they nearly died! You know the kind of people I am talking about we all have them in our lives, some are as close as family members, when you think, yes finally they are settled got themselves a nice house job girlfriend…. Oh no what’s happened now… To people we work with, friends etc

I think why I am saying all of this is what has helped me in my ‘I want to feel better’ quest is to distance myself from those people, not get fully hooked in, not join their parade, and start swinging the batons around with them.

It does sound selfish really I know but they are energy zappers, spirit suckers, thought drainers.

  • So I step out of the ring
  • I let them know I still love them
  • I am saving the energy for me

love to you all x

Advertisements

Review, Reflect, Reborn

Wow 2017 what a year you have been. I started the year buying a page a day diary and wrote on page one in big letters….

This year is about self-help

  • Heal myself
  • No more hurt
  • Say no when I want to

As a child at school I was always a secret daily writer, and considering I was named as one of the thickos, in special classes, later labeled as dyslexic ,I kept a Dear Diary everyday and I still have those now… I’ve read them through, they are no Adrian Mole but a reminder of those times. I did not write about my feelings in those times because of the fear of someone reading it but what it did unknowingly teach me was about daily habits.

Daily habits have been my saving grace this year. I am a great believer in small daily habits. It’s trendy and traditional at this time of year to be setting your New Year resolutions, which really are another word for setting goals. But how many of us keep them up? And why is that? Many reasons I suppose, time, motivation, self discipline, goal feels too big because there’s no plan in place, fear, self talk, the kids need picking up, the tea needs cooking, where is your PE kit?, oh shit the dog just peed on the carpet, Aunt Bessie is ill, my nails need cutting, new series of Game of Thrones is about to start, why did you not tell me you needed to be dressed as a book character today, as we are walking out the door!!!! The list is endless.

Back to my words I wrote at the beginning of the year,

  • How was I going heal myself?
  • How am I going to have no more hurt?
  • How am I going to find the balls to stand up and say no when I want to?

This is what I have been asking myself in 2017, because to be honest with you they are massive asks aren’t they, ones that because of forty six years of learnt behaviours, negative ways of thinking, environments and people that have shaped me, all this I am going to have to change to reach the holy grail of happiness!

How am I, in the words of Russell Brand am I going to ‘unfuck’ myself?’

What are the things that have helped towards my written words I wrote?…. You notice I don’t like to use the words ‘goal’, ‘resolutions’ because I feel that puts me under to much pressure to achieve, and then I feel a failure or a loser or weak if I don’t achieve. These are just words, thoughts, no pressure, so what if I miss a day it does not matter, I can start again tomorrow, new day, new beginning, no failures just small steps, and as long as those steps are taken it is a step forward.

So here are the words I wrote a couple of days in my diary…

 

fullsizeoutput_887

I am hoping over 2018, and what I have written down in my new diary is, I want to help people like me that want to unfuck themselves, maybe share with people that want to read it how I am doing it, instead of keeping my writings to myself, share some of it.

Questions to ponder…

  • How have you done this year?
  • How do you feel today?
  • What words would you write for next year?

Love to you all x

Brain Freeze

IMG_1537

I’m bored!

Don’t parents just hate that expression, I know I did when my kids were young…
Bored? I’ll give you bored, there’s cleaning to be done, washing, when was the last time you cleaned the fish out…
And so on..

But I find myself saying that to myself lately, I know why it is, I’ve left a stimulating job that I had to to be thinking on my feet all the time, which got to much after ten years, so I made a change, to a job that I need no brain at all, I can do it standing on my head.

What would I like to be doing? Good question!

What I would like, and what I’m good at is two different things!

I’m good at my job, I’m confident at it, been doing it a long time, I find it easy, it’s a worth while job, it helps people, it contributes to the community. But do I still want to do it?

I do have a new venture just waiting for me in the wings, I’ve got so far, I’m on the list, but I don’t know when it’s going to start, so I’m in this limbo of brain dead. And when I do start, is it going to be all I imagine it to be.

I would like to be, what feeds my sole is drawing, baking, writing, music, using my brain and hands, but I’m not good at those, well not enough to make money from them, there are plenty of others out there already doing that much better. I think you are a very lucky person to be able to make money doing something that you have a real passion for.

Not to be negative but when you read, you can do anything you set your mind to, you do wonder, really?

I want to be a concert pianist, but you do need to have some sort of talent for that, believe you me I’ve tried, and it just ain’t going to happen.

You can enjoy your job but is it really what you want to be doing?

I try and ask myself, what would you do if money and qualifications were no worry, would you still do what you are doing now?

I shall leave you with that thought, while I find a pretty picture to add to the ombience! X