The Ness, Devon, England

Took the hairy boy for a walk on the beach yesterday. Just beautiful!!

I’m very lucky that I live in a very lovely part of my country, Devon. This is Ness beach, which is in Shaldon near Teignmouth. The pictures where taken on the beach and then I walked along the coastal path, and looked down on the beach.

I love going to the beach just to clear my head. I often go in-between night shifts because I struggle the most, physically and mentally when I’m on night shifts. To be blunt it just fucks my body up!! But I’ve become aware of that now, I began to recognise the pattern so I put plans in place to support me during those times. I think that’s the key really when you having a low time…

  1. Recognising your patterns of moods…. When do they happen? What’s triggered it? Maybe keep a mood diary for a couple mouths so you can build up a picture.
  2. Plan for those times. Do nice things that make you happy such as listen to music, take a walk, hot bath, watch your favourite programme. Be kind to yourself
  3. Except that it is going to happen, and that’s ok. You are prepared, it’s normal, and it won’t last.

As soon as I excepted the fact that when I do a run of night shifts I’m going to feel tired, I’m going to feel low, I’m probably going to cry, I just felt better and did not stress myself out worrying why I was feeling like this.

Hope this helps.

Love to you all x

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Where Do I Start?

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Here it is then a new year, beginning of a new week, new beginnings la de da… how many times have we heard that over this last week, the pressure of it all, thinking ‘shit’ if I don’t start something new today it will be too late, then that’s it I’ve failed before I have even started, now I have to wait till next year…..

And STOP its ok its not too late, it never is, it’s always a good time to start, the only time when it is to late is when we are dead!

I know that does sound a bit morbid but it is true, doing the job I do, I’m seeing them in and seeing them out and all the in between, and one thing I am sure about until you take your last breath there is always time, hope. Now don’t get me wrong I have my days and I am not ashamed to say, well I was but I’m learning to accept them, I have suffered from depression, I still suffer anxiety on a daily basis, panic overwhelming me like a wave of water over taking my head and body and this is what I was talking about in my last post, how do I get over this…over…wrong word, I don’t think I will ever get over, but what I am doing is learning how to manage, learning how not to let it get sunk right in, learning how to let thoughts of self harm, panic, self hate pass through like visitors… nice to see you but it’s always nice to see you go ….

Daily habits, as mentioned in last post,

So if you wanted, for example to be a concert pianist, it does not happen overnight, first you would get the resources, piano, music books, then you would go to someone that already knows how to play the piano, you would get lessons, then you would take on board what they have taught, because they are the person that have already done it, then you would practice what you have been taught until you are familiar with it, trained your muscle memory, then go back to the person that has more knowledge than you and go through the cycle again, you get my drift. Well these steps are the same for everything.

I want to feel better, spoiler alert…. it is not going to happen over night, so I am going to need resources, I am going to need to learn from someone or people that have learnt how to feel better, I am going to need to take on board what they have to say, now for the big one…. PRACTICE what they have suggested, then when I want to learn more and am ready for the next step go back to the people that have learnt more than me and carry on the cycle.

Recap

  • Resources
  • Expert ….. Oh I hate that word… expert… a drip under pressure!!!! A person that knows more than I do, yes I know, I don’t know everything
  • Practice
  • Keep repeating

What I am going to do in the coming year, I am going to share what resources I am and have used, including books, YouTube videos, pinterest and my best resource good old fashioned pen and paper. The people I have gone to that have and help me, whether that is someone I have never met but their writings have inspired me, to the people around in my life. How I practice, how I make time in my busy life of working in the ambulance service and now starting a second job in a mental health hospital, a family, grandchildren, dogs, you know all those time zappers. And how I find the motivation to keep going, what helps me, what stops me sinking into the pit with my dark passenger. And if any of this helps you then great! But if it does not then I am helping someone, I am helping me.

Love to you all x